Tuesday, April 12, 2011
"J" is for journey
"J" is for journey. I think of my life now as more a journey than anything else. A few years ago my carefully constructed, very predictable, safe little world fell completely apart. Like so many other people at that time, I became a victim of the recession and lost my job. For the first time in my life I was unemployed with no options or prospects for where the next job was coming from or what I was going to do next. The field I had been working in had bottomed out. I fought so hard to get another job as soon as possible. I reached out to all of the people who I thought could help but jobs were being cut everywhere.
On top of everything else my apartment complex decided to raise my rent by $300. I tried to fight that too by going to court against the management company but they could afford lawyers and I couldn't. As much as I tried to gain control of all of the things that were spinning out of control the more out of control they became. My oldest son called me and told me to come and stay with his family and start over again. At my age, starting over again is not something I wanted to do. I had been making long term plans on how to begin slowing down not starting over. It meant leaving everything I owned, everything I knew, all of my friends and all of the things I was so actively involved in.
I told my son no, and that I would try to work something out. But everything I did to try and save my home and my very existence just fell through. It was like running in a race for miles and miles and then finding yourself in the exact same spot. I realized that for once, I had to just let go of what I thought was my life and let what needed to happen happen. It was like being on a journey where I had to arrive at a predetermined destination. No matter how hard I tried to go my own way, the journey would lead me back in the same direction.
I packed everything I owned into a friend's garage and what I needed into my old car and made the 2-hour journey to my son's. My daughter-in-law was very kind to open her home to me. My journey had led me to a family. I had two gorgeous grandchildren, Jaden and Maya who barely knew me. I had missed birthdays and so many holidays because I always had to work.
This journey was absolutely necessary to take me to one of my life's many destinations. It was necessary for me to slow down, to let go of the material things and find a family that I had become estranged from.